Possible humour.

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Re: Possible humour.

Post by anglefire » Tue Jul 10, 2018 5:29 pm

It was a hot Sunday in the jungle and the Gorilla wanted a cool drink. He went to the local waterhole and bent down at the water's edge. Along came a lion who, truth to tell, was thinking of other things on a hot day. Seeing the gorilla's nether regions pointing at him he couldn't resist it and so had his wicked way with the gorilla before scarpering. The gorilla recovered his poise and his senses and went charging after the lion roaring all sorts of threats.

The lion was starting to tire and on entering a clearing saw a great white hunter sitting at a table. Quick as a flash he ate the hunter then put on his hat and coat, sat down at the table and picked up the paper.

The gorilla came into the clearing at a run.

"Did you see a lion go by?" he enquired.

"Is that the one that sha**ed the gorilla? asked the disguised lion.

"Oh God" exclaimed the gorilla. "It's not in the Sunday papers already is it?


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Re: Possible humour.

Post by Bodsy » Tue Jul 10, 2018 10:22 pm

Oh god, Marks back! :lol:


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Re: Possible humour.

Post by DSL » Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:41 am

Deffo back. :lol: :lol:


If only I could think of something useful to type here!! :(

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Re: Possible humour.

Post by PillowSmuggler » Fri Jul 13, 2018 8:34 pm

A moth flies into a dentist's office. He sits on the chair and the dentist asks him "Can I help you?"
The moth answers "Well I've been cheating on my wife with a spider. Things are rough at home, the kids are 5 and 3, the young one is having a really hard time communicating and it's making him very frustrated and hard to handle and my wife's simply not interested in me anymore. But this other woman, she just hits all the right spots. She's kinky and is always tying me up; there's something about the excitement that this succubus could really suck me dry any moment. The passion of fear is exhilarating."

The dentist nods and says "It sounds like you need to talk to your wife about this, not a dentist"

The moth replies "I cannot even look her in the eye. Other than the disinterest she's an amazing mother to my kids. When I come home after one of my late night rendezvous I just feel this interminable guilt. And the worse part is that she is completely unaware of the situation. I don't know if I could ever tell her. The guilt is eating away at me but ignorance is bliss, right? What if I just stop and move ahead like nothing happened. She doesn't need to know and I can just live with the guilt. But by telling her I'm relieving myself of the guilt and putting her in excruciating pain. I couldn't do that to her".

"Well," the dentist says, "I'm not a psychologist, it sounds like you need to talk to a professional. The psychologist's office is right across the hall. I wish I could help but the the only thing I can do is point you in the right direction. It's clearly marked, you walked right past it yet you came to me. What made you come in here?"

"Because," the moth said, "the light was on."


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Re: Possible humour.

Post by anglefire » Sat Jul 14, 2018 5:41 am

And you complain about me?


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Re: Possible humour.

Post by PillowSmuggler » Sat Jul 14, 2018 11:17 pm

LOL only in a "I hope Mark posts another one soon" kind of way :D


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Re: Possible humour.

Post by Stu » Tue Jul 17, 2018 3:45 pm

Dom that is quite possibly the most horrific “joke” I’ve ever read.


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Re: Possible humour.

Post by anglefire » Wed Aug 22, 2018 10:04 pm

On a recent visit to the zoo I saw a baguette in a cage. The keeper told me it was bred in captivity,


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Re: Possible humour.

Post by DSL » Thu Aug 23, 2018 7:11 am

That put a smile on my chops. :thumbright:


If only I could think of something useful to type here!! :(

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Re: Possible humour.

Post by anglefire » Fri Aug 24, 2018 8:51 pm

The Stammer therapist

A very pretty young speech therapist was getting absolutely nowhere with her Stammerer's Action Group. She had tried every technique in the book, but still they stammered and stuttered.



Finally, totally exasperated, she said; "If any of you can tell me where you were born, without stuttering, I will have wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles ache and your eyes water."



The Englishman immediately piped up: "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham"

"That's no use, Trevor" said the speech therapist, "Who's next?"



The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out; "G-g-g-g-g-g-gl-lasgow".
That's no better either, Hamish.

Now, how about you, Paddy?
The Irishman took a deep breath, counted to 5 and eventually blurted out; "London".

Brilliant, Paddy! said the speech therapist and immediately set about living up to her promise.

After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for breath and Paddy said;
>
>
>
>
>
> ....."d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry".


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