Possible humour.

The Bar is open, pop inside to discuss anything non car or club related.
DSL
Forum Contributor
Posts: 11093
Joined: Sun Apr 18, 2010 8:58 pm
Car Details: The old muddy banger
Location: Can't make my mind up!! :-)

Re: Possible humour.

Post by DSL » Fri Aug 24, 2018 9:32 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :thumbright:


If only I could think of something useful to type here!! :(

User avatar
benp
Green Lane Rep
Posts: 10083
Joined: Wed Oct 06, 2010 10:31 pm
Winner: Benner of the year
Car Details: D3
Member Since: 0-10-2010
Location: the little city

Re: Possible humour.

Post by benp » Fri Aug 24, 2018 9:59 pm

:lol: :thumbright:


Benner of the year
club dog guard in-out-in-out-in-out-in-out-in-out-in-out-in-out-in-out-in-out-in-out-in-out....club the dog is dead but cant change the signature :(
club the D3 is alive!

User avatar
anglefire
Site Admin
Posts: 19011
Joined: Sat May 15, 2010 8:01 pm
Winner: Club Member of Year 2012 & 13
Car Details: BMW 530d M Sport
Member Since: 17 May 2010
Location: Solihull, West Midlands
Contact:

Re: Possible humour.

Post by anglefire » Tue Oct 02, 2018 8:23 pm

Just got scammed out of 25 quid.

Bought a Tiger Woods dvd entitled "My favourite 18 holes"

Turns out it's about Golf......

Absolute waste of money!! Pass this on so others don't get scammed.


Mark

Waeco CFX 40
BMW 530d M Sport Touring, 1977 Triumph Spitfire 1500
2006 disco3 SE. Gone but not forgotten.
Member of Admin team and :ugeek:
Disco3Club Photos: Here

User avatar
benp
Green Lane Rep
Posts: 10083
Joined: Wed Oct 06, 2010 10:31 pm
Winner: Benner of the year
Car Details: D3
Member Since: 0-10-2010
Location: the little city

Re: Possible humour.

Post by benp » Wed Oct 03, 2018 7:05 pm

:roll:


Benner of the year
club dog guard in-out-in-out-in-out-in-out-in-out-in-out-in-out-in-out-in-out-in-out-in-out....club the dog is dead but cant change the signature :(
club the D3 is alive!

User avatar
anglefire
Site Admin
Posts: 19011
Joined: Sat May 15, 2010 8:01 pm
Winner: Club Member of Year 2012 & 13
Car Details: BMW 530d M Sport
Member Since: 17 May 2010
Location: Solihull, West Midlands
Contact:

Re: Possible humour.

Post by anglefire » Thu Oct 25, 2018 8:59 pm

Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.
Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'.
It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.
Rumour has it though, it can be a real bitch to start in the morning!
Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can't get it to turn over.
New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and horribly expensive to get rid of.
Used models may initially appear to have kerb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel, and the kerb weight typically increases with age.
Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the boot increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.
This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it is best to lease one, and replace when it becomes troublesome.


Mark

Waeco CFX 40
BMW 530d M Sport Touring, 1977 Triumph Spitfire 1500
2006 disco3 SE. Gone but not forgotten.
Member of Admin team and :ugeek:
Disco3Club Photos: Here

User avatar
anglefire
Site Admin
Posts: 19011
Joined: Sat May 15, 2010 8:01 pm
Winner: Club Member of Year 2012 & 13
Car Details: BMW 530d M Sport
Member Since: 17 May 2010
Location: Solihull, West Midlands
Contact:

Re: Possible humour.

Post by anglefire » Thu Nov 08, 2018 9:48 pm

Seniors Banking... PRICELESS!!


Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman.
The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an OFFENCE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public figure, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALLING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required.

Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 to 9

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client


And remember:
Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to :censored: us off.


Mark

Waeco CFX 40
BMW 530d M Sport Touring, 1977 Triumph Spitfire 1500
2006 disco3 SE. Gone but not forgotten.
Member of Admin team and :ugeek:
Disco3Club Photos: Here

Post Reply